Envy.

Time and again I have tried to forge that which seems to escape me, I pray and I offer, I pray and I offer, I pray and I offer… yet noting but a small amount of growth takes root; Just enough growth to acknowledge the Gods existence but not enough to capture my very soul.

I am envious of those who have a devotion, a closeness that can only be felt deep within their hearts to a deity. It is not a bad thing to envy, even the gods are envious at times. It can help us to separate what we want from what we dont, and perhaps make us change direction and go walking on a new path.

Three days ago was my sixth anniversary as a Gaelic Polytheist, this year will be my tenth as a Polytheist, and I cannot help but find myself deflated, envious, empty and sad because that which I have worked towards has not bore the fruit I expected.

So what has it all been for I keep asking… and where do I go from here?

Crossroads

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Happy New Year!!

Flying in after a long absence to wish everyone a very happy new year, 2014 was a mixed bag really but I can look back on the year and say it was a good year and the blessings of the 3 where very evident in my life which I am beyond thankful for.

In August after 3 months of no work and having spiraled into another depressive phase with very bad anxiety to boot, I got offered part time work in a creche, and the penny’s money I earned has saved my ass on a financial level more times than I can count this year. But the biggest change for me was to try and go back to college, to say it was a last minute decision is an understatement but by some miracle I got accepted and I hit the ground running and I have just been snowed under ever since with working part time and doing assignments for college. And as a result all my plans for my Little Polytheist blog series went out the window, I do intend to go back and do it but it will most likely be in April before they get more regular but until then it will be 1 or 2 a month.

But for the day that’s in it tomorrow morning I will be cleaning the shrines and then I will be doing my offerings and prayers for the coming year to the Gods and Ancestors, with an offering being left out for the lordly ones also. Finished off with a saining with the remaining water I collected from the holy well.

I really do hope that 2015 will be a good year for everyone and that you will achieve all the things you set out to do.