Time and again I have tried to forge that which seems to escape me, I pray and I offer, I pray and I offer, I pray and I offer… yet noting but a small amount of growth takes root; Just enough growth to acknowledge the Gods existence but not enough to capture my very soul.
I am envious of those who have a devotion, a closeness that can only be felt deep within their hearts to a deity. It is not a bad thing to envy, even the gods are envious at times. It can help us to separate what we want from what we dont, and perhaps make us change direction and go walking on a new path.
Three days ago was my sixth anniversary as a Gaelic Polytheist, this year will be my tenth as a Polytheist, and I cannot help but find myself deflated, envious, empty and sad because that which I have worked towards has not bore the fruit I expected.
So what has it all been for I keep asking… and where do I go from here?