Time and again I have tried to forge that which seems to escape me, I pray and I offer, I pray and I offer, I pray and I offer… yet noting but a small amount of growth takes root; Just enough growth to acknowledge the Gods existence but not enough to capture my very soul.
I am envious of those who have a devotion, a closeness that can only be felt deep within their hearts to a deity. It is not a bad thing to envy, even the gods are envious at times. It can help us to separate what we want from what we dont, and perhaps make us change direction and go walking on a new path.
Three days ago was my sixth anniversary as a Gaelic Polytheist, this year will be my tenth as a Polytheist, and I cannot help but find myself deflated, envious, empty and sad because that which I have worked towards has not bore the fruit I expected.
So what has it all been for I keep asking… and where do I go from here?
Flying in after a long absence to wish everyone a very happy new year, 2014 was a mixed bag really but I can look back on the year and say it was a good year and the blessings of the 3 where very evident in my life which I am beyond thankful for.
In August after 3 months of no work and having spiraled into another depressive phase with very bad anxiety to boot, I got offered part time work in a creche, and the penny’s money I earned has saved my ass on a financial level more times than I can count this year. But the biggest change for me was to try and go back to college, to say it was a last minute decision is an understatement but by some miracle I got accepted and I hit the ground running and I have just been snowed under ever since with working part time and doing assignments for college. And as a result all my plans for my Little Polytheist blog series went out the window, I do intend to go back and do it but it will most likely be in April before they get more regular but until then it will be 1 or 2 a month.
But for the day that’s in it tomorrow morning I will be cleaning the shrines and then I will be doing my offerings and prayers for the coming year to the Gods and Ancestors, with an offering being left out for the lordly ones also. Finished off with a saining with the remaining water I collected from the holy well.
I really do hope that 2015 will be a good year for everyone and that you will achieve all the things you set out to do.
“In travelling through the dense forest of the insular legends, and stirring the ashes of the continental Celtic world, we did not hope to uncover the plan of a vast edifice, a temple of the Celtic gods, partly overrun by the luxuriant wilderness and partly ruined by invaders. The indications are that this edifice never existed. Other people raised temples to their gods, and their very mythologies are temples whose architecture reproduces the symmetry of a cosmic or social order-an order both cosmic and social. It is in the wild solitude of the sacred woodland, that the Celtic tribe meets its gods, and its mythical world is a sacred forest, pathless and unbounded, which is inhabited by mysterious powers. Against these powers, man, situated in the midst of the supernatural, and himself possessed by it, defends with difficulty by force or by magic his small domain, which is always surrounded by invisible tribes and subject on certain ritual days to direct invasion.” – Celtic Gods and Heroes – Marie-Louise Sjoestedt
Yesterday I finished reading this book that I had longed to buy, most of the information presented was noting new or major to me its fairly familiar stuff and the book itself is only 95 pages noting too heavy. But when I read the above quoted passage from the conclusion of the book, I got what I can only describe as a spark going off in my chest which is the old yet rare and familiar sign for me that something has clicked into place a piece of the jigsaw fitting where it should. With that “spark” my brain went into complete over drive with ideas, a burst of excitement and with that the overwhelming sense that the path I choose to follow is leading me in the right direction. I feel renewed and with that I feel more confident in the direction I choose to take after thinking long and hard after the oracle I received 6 months ago. The last month alone has been one of small yet steady growth, noting spectacular to the outside person but to me it has made me feel so blessed and thankful for so many things.
The trip was cancelled yesterday, the job interview and errands took longer than I expected so I said it would be better off to leave it until today. However I awoke this morning to it pissing out of the heavens, so after many cups of tea and passing the hours away cursing the rain for getting in the way of my plans it finally stopped so I made a quick dash around the house to get my bits for the trip.
The well itself is up a country road in a fairly isolated area surrounded by farmland used for grazing dairy Cows.It is only one of three in the county to be dedicated to a foreign Saint, the well I went to was dedicated to St Bartholomew the Apostle. There is no parking so you have to pull into the side of the road and make sure your as far in as possible or your wing mirror will be in a million pieces when you come back (Country roads been narrow as fuck)
The well is surrounded by many trees Birch and Oak where the two I could notice most prevalent in the area, There is a small stream that is running alongside the area. Rooks a member of the Corvidae family have made there homes in one of the trees, There is a man-made path that goes around the well for people to make the “rounds” it has railings placed in the areas where you are most likely to slip because of the wet leaves (which nearly happened to me on my round)
A round is where you walk clockwise around the well while reciting the rosary or prayers a certain number of times, A stone slab was placed to tell pilgrims how many times they must walk around it and how many are to rosary’s are to be said, in this case it was walk 9 times around and recite 3 rosary’s.But I didn’t do that not been Catholic and all.
When I first started my prayer only half ways through the first round I realized I was doing it anti clockwise so I went back and started again. I did 3 rounds and during it my mind went almost blank except for my total focus on the walk, the words I was saying and the trees swaying in the wind. The path you must walk around is large so you are repeating it a good number of times, once the prayer was said I walked over to the well and removed the door and I spoke into the well asking for permission from the Spirit of the Well and stating what the water would be used for, I got a very loud and affirmative “You may proceed” in a voice that was neither male nor female. I filled my jar and after placed the Hazel nuts I had brought as my offering to the spirit on top of the stone slab which covers the well.
I had decided earlier in the planning of my trip to acknowledge the saint of the well, by tossing him a coin in offering however after thinking about it a lot I decided that I would much rather pay my proper respects to the original and true inhabitant of the well.